Silent Night

2012 approaches and frankly, I’m not at all in a spirited, celebratory mood.

Don’t get me wrong, I am taking part in the festivities (it’s the only one I look forward to each year). Rather, it’s the idea of ‘a new year’ that unsettles me. Which is strange because, for the longest time, I’ve been looking forward to this very moment.

I’ve always associated the year 2012 to be the year where I can finally get a move-on. Years of inactivity and stagnation cast aside in favour of taking that first step to get somewhere in life. It evolved into a symbol of hope, if you will.

So when that symbol stops being something distant and magical and turns into something lurking right round the corner, you tend to get a little anxious.

What if things don’t work out the way I hope for them to be?
What if things don’t turn out all right after all?
What if nothing changes and I’ll still be this miserable sack of flesh unable to free himself of the shackles of regret and other unpleasantness?

I get the strong feeling it’ll be the last one.

I have no idea how people with positive outlooks do it. Maybe it’s the over-analysing, I do that a lot; it’s proved itself detrimental time and time again for six years yet I can’t seem to get rid of the habit.

The day medical science gets the green light to artificially induce amnesia will be an interesting one indeed. Are we shaped by our past and our memories or is it all written into our very code to be who we are?

Dreary. Sombre. Dear me, this cannot do. Music, save us all.

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